We can wrestle with God

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This afternoon, I was reading the story of Jacob wrestling with God as part of my daily devotion, and I couldn't help but be in awe of what God has done in our lives and what He continues to reveal throughout salvation history—especially in His journey with Jacob. One thing that stood out to me is how God desires to initiate a relationship with us, even to the point of wrestling with us.

Sometimes, I can be tempted to believe that God is too distant and He probably has too many children to take care of. But this couldn't be further from the truth. God knows me deeply, and sees straight through my soul, my imperfections, and my inherently disordered desires. He does draw near. It reminded me that we can trust Him in the midst of our struggles, knowing He meets us there with purpose and grace.

Jacob's desire to earn blessings (and how I relate to it)

For context, Jacob is clearly a flawed man. After fleeing for his life because he took Esau's blessing, he went on to live a complicated life with Laban—one marked by mutual deception. He ended up taking Leah as his wife after working seven years for Laban, even though he had been promised Rachel. So he agreed to work another seven years for Rachel, and remarkably, those years seemed to pass quickly for him. This really shows that, despite his flaws, Jacob was someone with perseverance and determination.

Jacob also became extremely wealthy by taking Laban's flocks, which unfortunately soured their relationship. Jacob longed for blessings, but instead of completely trusting God and His plan, he turned to deception and his own efforts to get what he wanted. At this point in his life, he lacked nothing. He had multiple wives, many offsprings, and flocks. He also carried the blessing of his father Isaac, a blessing passed down from Abraham, and ultimately from God Himself. Yet even with all of that, something was still missing: a full surrender to the God who had been faithfully guiding him all along.

I relate so much to Jacob’s story. If you know me in real life, you'll know I'm a huge fan of video games. I didn't grow up in a wealthy family, but my parents were able to buy us a console, and I spent countless afternoons after school playing Super Mario Bros on our old Nintendo. I remember trying over and over to beat the first world—no save points, just pure determination.

But over time, my love for games turned into something more consuming. I always wanted to try new ones, and eventually, that desire led me to pirating games. I justified it by telling myself that I had no other way to access them. At one point, I had collected so many ROMs that I probably wouldn't have been able to finish them all in a lifetime. Deep down, I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. But I brushed that conviction aside, thinking, "What's the worst that could happen?"

Looking back, I see a familiar pattern: like Jacob, I wanted for something good, but I often tried to get it through my own means—through shortcuts and moral compromise—rather than trusting in what God had already provided. It's a humbling reminder of how easy it is to pursue blessings in the wrong way, even when our hearts are genuinely searching for joy or fulfillment.

Jacob's wrestle and surrender to God (and how I relate to it)

The story continues with God telling Jacob to return home after spending twenty years in exile in Paddan-Aram. To Jacob, this command must have felt like a death sentence. Esau, aware that Jacob was coming back, had already gathered four hundred men to meet him—not exactly the kind of welcome Jacob was hoping for. Fearing for his life, Jacob sent a large portion of his livestock ahead as a gift, hoping to win over Esau's forgiveness.

The night before their reunion, Jacob prayed to God, admitting that he wasn't worthy of even the smallest bit of His mercy. You can almost feel the remorse weighing on him for everything he had done over the years. By then, Jacob had also sent his wives and children away, leaving him alone that night, stripped of everything except his faith and hope.

Jacob then encountered a man and wrestled with him until dawn. He refused to let go until the man blessed him. It's clear that Jacob knew he was wrestling with God Himself. During the struggle, the man injured Jacob's hip (or groin, really, as the original Hebrew suggests), leaving him with a limp.

There's so much to unpack in this story. Jacob's perseverance in holding on until he received God's blessing is truly remarkable. What stands out even more is that he was in a place of complete surrender—he had let go of everything, even his own life.

From this, I've learned that a real relationship with God requires both surrender and vulnerability. Honestly, I can't imagine how exhausting and frustrating it must have been to wrestle with someone all night with no end in sight. Yet Jacob stayed, showing that sometimes faith means hanging on even when the outcome feels uncertain.

In the end, God answered Jacob's struggle by blessing him and giving him a new name and identity—Israel—meaning "one who wrestles or strives with God." This name change wasn't just about the limp Jacob carried afterwards; it was a symbol that Jacob finally had the right relationship with God. It showed that wrestling with God isn't a sign of weakness or failure, but part of the journey toward growth and blessing.

I can speak about my experience related to this reflection. When I realized that keeping those pirated ROMs wasn't right, I found myself in my own kind of wrestling match. I didn't want to let go at first—I resisted admitting that I was wrong. I wanted to play all those games that I couldn't finish as a kid or teenager. Just imagining deleting all those save files felt deeply upsetting.

However, it was in that vulnerable, honest moment—when I stopped making excuses and faced my faults—that God answered my prayers. He gave me the grace I needed to push through and do what was right. In short, God's grace and peace is so worth it that I don't need those games anymore to be happy.

Jacob, I, and all of us are far from perfect. In a way or another we carry disordered attachments to earthly things, even good things like God's blessing. He meets us in our wrestling and invites us into a deeper relationship where surrender and perseverance lead to blessing. Like Jacob, the battle might be hard. We might carry wounds from those challenges, but those remind us of God's faithfulness and the growth that comes from trusting Him through the uncomfortable season of our lives.

So that's my story, what's yours? Have you wrestled with God and was it easy? I'd really like to hear from you!